Trustless [ Reserved ]

[Guest]

It was another one of those days: shopping days. Of course, Samantha (more commontly referred to as Sam), knew that these days were inevitable. When you had a two-year-old son, it was hard not to got to the store every once and a while, and her parents had grown increasingly tired of having to go to the store for Ryan and herself. So, they told her that the only way she was going to get food and supplies for her family of two was to go shopping by herself. Luckily enough, Samantha's parents paid rent for a small condo that was only a few blocks away from them, so they could babysit Ryan when she went out looking for a job; which wasn't often.

Ever since Matthew, Samantha had been scared out of her witts of going anywhere. And indeed, she didn't step foot out of her parent's house until the day Ryan was due. Once Ryan turned one, her parents had kicked her out of the house. But nicely, of course, seeing as they'd bought her a condo and were paying mortgage for it. Samantha was lucky to have the parents she did, but they just didn't understand the trauma she went through every day having to step out of her comfort zones to go to public places. She was scared to death of people; especially men. It made finding a job increasingly difficult, seeing as most of the jobs around here were run by men. And that meant interviews. With men. Samantha shivered.

Oh, how she hated life. She used to be so bubbly and friendly, never shying from anyone. Matthew had been her best friend, and even now, he tried to contact her and see how she and Ryan were getting along. Nevertheless, she had, very recently, moved into her condo and changed her phone number, so she no longer heard from Matthew. It made her sad to realize she'd never have her best friend back, but she knew she'd never be able to see him in person without bursting into tears or hurting him by accident. Ryan was her life now, but she was slightly discouraged that Ryan himself was a boy. At least he couldn't be considered a man yet: otherwise she would've put him up for adoption, no matter how old he'd been.

Ryan was the center of her world. He was the one who gave her the slightest sliver of courage to go out and get groceries, clothes, and go job-shopping. She wanted to provide Ryan with a safe and guarded lifestyle, and also be able to pay for him to be able to go to school in two years. Her parents were rich, yes, but that didn't mean Samantha expected them to pay for everything. A condo was enough for them to pay for, and Samantha was slowly coming out of her shell. She'd finished her move into reality already, though, and she remained the way she always believed she would: quiet, reserved, only talking with Ryan and very rarely her parents.

But now here she was, pushing Ryan in one of the car-shaped shopping carts, Ryan blabbering incoherent sentences and giggling to himself, pointing at random objects and saying "Mine," occasionally. Samantha made sure not to make eye contact with any one person, even for only a second. She was thankful that there were more women in the store doing the shopping for their husbands, children, or maybe simply themselves, and Samantha became increasingly aware of her appearance to others: she was obviously no more than 20, and yet she was strolling a child around in a cart that had a faint resemblance to her. It made her feel slutty, in a way; she was afraid that's what others would see of her.

Only Samantha knew the true pain of what had happened, though.

Samantha was only in there for forty-five minutes, before she looked around for a check-out register that had a female who was running that particular register. Unfortunately, there was only one, and she was in the longest line. The register next to hers only had four people, but hers had about six or seven. Samantha would make the eighth. She didn't know why the other people weren't in the male's lane, but Samantha didn't bother to ask about or point to the shorter lane. She was perfectly content where she was, even though she was very aware that people were staring at her and Ryan. A kind-looking man asked her if she wanted to take his place in line, but she simply kept her head down, shaking her head and mumbling a quick 'thank you.' She never kept her conversations going long; especially with men.

But ever so slowly, the line started moving, and she was getting antzy. Samantha didn't like getting stares from the men and women around her. After all, who saw a 19-year-old girl in a grocery store with a toddler every day?

[LoveOnHerArms]

The 22 year old man parked his old blue truck that he had gotten for his sixteenth birthday, it was old had rust on some part,s a dent here or there and scratches but he loved that old truck and didn't want to get a new one. It still ran nice and got him where he needed to go, which now was the grocery store. Like everyone young man that lived on there own, they lived off of pizza and whatever was in the frig, Matt's happened to be empty at the moment besides a few random things. Shaking his head he jumped out of the truck shoving the keys into the pocket of the ripped jeans he had on, he was dressed in the normal ripped blue jeans, a white shirt under a plaid shirt with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows ,shaggy hair kinda messy with dark scruff on his chin and cheeks. Walking into the store he looked around grabbing a cart and started down his way, nodding or flashing a smile to some of the ladies that looked at him.

He didn't know is once best friend was stopping also with their son, who could he? Walking down a aisle tossing a couple bags of chips into his cart along with a case or two of pop, a couple boxes of the snack cakes things that people said weren't good for you. Frozen pizzas and the frozen meals. Finely he mad his way down to the veggies and started adding some more healthier stuff to his cart, still not knowing that Sam was in the same store only a couple aisles down. Cart full of stuff he made his way up front only to freeze in his tracks seeing Sam in a line with Ryan. Swallowing Matt just looked at them taking in how his son looked and how Sam looked. God she was still beautiful, rich dark brown hair that went past her shoulders, those brown eyes, once that had been filled with so much sass and spice full of life but now looking at them, they held fear and worry in them. Fear that Matt put in there.

Swallowing hard again still unable to move Matt looked at them, she hadn't seen him yet and for that, he was grateful. He had tried to talk to her, to apologize for what he did that night but she wouldn't see him or even talk to him. Matt had gotten wasted one night, it was stupid of him really stupid of him, and then there was Sam his best friend, he didn't remember really anything of that night but he had raped her. She didn't tell the police or even try to put him in jail, and Matt wasn't sure what was worse that fact that she didn't tell the police about it or that he knew she never really would. She trusted him, back then would have put her life in his hands and all in one night he shattered that trust with no hope of fixing it. After that night Matt never touched a drink again. It was months later Matt came to the house begging and pleading to see Sam or at lest tell talk to her parents so they would now how sorry he was, by some miracle they listened to him, they weren't happy with him but they listened, that was more then his own parents had done.

Matt had cried like a baby as he told them how sorry he was and if he could change it he would have. It had been slow painfully slow for Matt but now Sam's mom called him every now and then to see how he was doing and would give him pictures of Ryan, she had been the one to call him when Sam went into labor, he didn't go to the hospital but had staid up pacing the floor of his living room until she called him again telling him that she had a baby boy and told him what she was naming him. Ryan...his little boy, he'd only seen pictures of him but now there his was sitting in the car like cart giggling and having a great time. Sifting his weight a little Matt staid silent watching like a hungry man taking in his son with pain filled blue eyes.

After what seemed like forever he forced his feet to move and slowly pushed his cart closer to Sam "Sam?" His voice was hoarse as he looked at her staying back but close enough to see she really did look like a scared rabbit, eyes filled with fear and pain. He did that too her Matt knew that and was trying to make up for it, to fix everything he had ruined and broke. The regret he had, knowing what he did to her never would really leave but he was trying to make things right.

Matt

[Guest]

[ that was really good ! (: ]

Sam looked at Ryan as he reached out for a packet of gum and a Hershey’s bar, managing to drop a couple off of the shelf. Sighing heavily, Sam looked at Ryan, “What did mommy tell you about messing with things on shelves?” Ryan stared at her for a moment before bursting into a giggle fit and saying, “No!” but not in a dismissive way, but more of an answer to her question with a hint of the babyish love that the boy still had in him. Sam reached down and picked up the fallen chocolate and put it back on the shelf, handing Ryan one of the bars.

“Only one, and don’t eat it yet,” Samantha smiled at Ryan who managed to mumble a quiet ‘thanks’ but it sounded more like ‘fanks.’ He waved the chocolate bar around in his hands and stared at it, gnawing on the plastic every now and again, seemingly not realizing he had to take off the wrapper before he could eat it. Sam quietly told him not to put it in his mouth yet, and Ryan looked at her incredulously before kicking his feet angrily and throwing the bar onto the ground. Samantha sighed heavily and picked it up, tossing it into the cart’s basket as she took another step forward as the line moved.

She froze when she heard someone call her name. The voice was obviously male, and horror struck her heart as she realized just whose voice it was. The voice she’d heard in high school so many times, the voice that had made her laugh, been there for her when she’d cried, helped her study and took her out to lunch on ‘special’ occasions that were really nothing special, only an excuse to be able for the two friends to hang out.

The voice she’d heard coming down the hallway of their apartment, the smell of liquor on his breath, and… Sam shuddered, not wanting to think about it. She was tentative to turn around and look at him; she’d been avoiding him for so long now, it didn’t seem right for her to even spare him a passing glance. Summoning up what little courage she did have, Sam turned halfway around, wishing she were farther into the isle so it wouldn’t have worked for her to turn around.

Her eyes scanned him over, then the contents of his basket, and she couldn’t help but remember the “Friday movie nights” they’d had with Papa John’s Pizza and a six-pack of Dr. Peppers and Cokes. Those were memories long gone, and memories she knew she’d forever cherish, no matter what had happened to them to break apart that splendid friendship; a friendship she wished so badly she could have back, but a friendship she was afraid to start again.

Taking in a deep breath, Sam took in his new appearance: he had grown a lot, his features were more defined, and he had an uncanny resemblance to Ryan, which made her heart ache momentarily. After the initial shock, the fear sunk in. Sam had been doing her best to avoid him; doing her best to make sure she didn’t have to confront the obstacle that had been barring her path for two years now, bordering on three.

“M-Matt…” Sam said, fumbling over her words. Her mind seemed numb to the fact she would actually see him here. She hadn’t been expecting it at all. Of course, she knew they lived in the same area, but how likely was it that they would be in the same grocery store at the same time? Sam was beginning to wish she hadn’t brought Ryan along and had just left him with her parents.

Finally mustering up another few drops of her fatigued courage, Sam said, “Long time, no see.” She offered him a weak smile, before turning her head and staring at the contents in her basket, unable to hold Matt’s gaze.

[LoveOnHerArms]

Standing behind the cart Matt looked at Sam then at Ryan and faint smile tugging on the corner of his lips, the little boy looked a little like him, he had the same eyes. Swallowing again Matt looked back at Sam and his heart crumbled a little more, she looked so scared that he was here and honestly that killed Matt even more.

Blue eyes going from the cute little boy that was still trying to grab at the stuff off the shelves not really paying attention or caring that Matt was his dad and that Sam looked terrified that he was here. She didn't meet his gaze and stumbled over his name. Matt wasn't sure what to say, 'Hey you look great can we talk?' Matt wanted to talk badly but Sam looked so scared that he was starting to think he should just give up on it and leave her alone, but a tiny part of him refused to give up that easy, he just couldn't leave things the way they were.

Finely she looked up at him trying to smile weakly and told him 'Long time no see' before she looked away "Sam....C-can we talk? Please?" His voice was hoarse again as he looked at her, his blue eyes pleading with her. "Please Sam..." He was practically begging with her, but Matt really wanted to talk to her and just to see his son.

He didn't move from behind the cart just gripped it until his knuckles were white and looked at her to Ryan then back to her his heart slamming against his ribs.

(Blah so short! >.< )

[Guest]

[ it’s fine, it’s still really good ! ]

Sam looked up at him again, this time neither in fear nor in anger, but in simple semi-amusement and curiosity. But the fear returned to her as soon as he asked her if they could talk. Sam was hoping to avoid that question, but she knew in her heart that it was impossible. Ryan took another candy-bar off the shelf and threw it onto the floor, and Sam grimaced before picking it up, “Mommy said only one, and you wouldn’t hold it like a big boy. So you’re going to have to wait to get it until we get home, ‘kay baby?” Sam patted Ryan’s head before putting the candy-bar back in its place and returning her gaze to Matt.

He’d changed so much, and she could only hope by talking with him to find his personality had changed as well. Now that she thought about it, she wasn’t so much afraid than she was in remembrance. The only thing she could vividly remember of him whenever she looked into those dazzling blue eyes is when they were glazed over with cloudiness and the smell of liquor and… Well, you know what happens next.

Sam took a wary glance at Ryan and took a step forward as the line moved.

“Fine,” she said finally, but it wasn’t a dominating and sure-of-herself fine. It was more of a timid and submissive fine. “I’ll talk to you after checkout.” Samantha looked away and up at the cashier who made a sweet comment on how cute Ryan was, which made Sam smile nervously at the woman. Her mind was set on not freaking out on Matt when she talked to him, and she found herself dreading her decision to actually talk to him.

She’d been avoiding him for two years, and it’d been pretty successful. But now here she was, in the freaking grocery store, and being forced to face her extreme fear of him. It wasn’t that she didn’t like him. She did—or at least, she was trying to—but what he had done to her had left a permanent scar; one that could never possibly be erased. And there was still a part in her that feared he would do it again. She was too young to have gone through all that, and now she wasn’t even twenty.

Sam was so caught up in her thoughts she nearly didn’t notice when the woman asked her ‘cash or credit.’ Sam swiped her credit card (one her parents had given her for food and food only) before thanking the woman and moving tentatively to the side, loading the cart with her bags, wishing she could just bolt out of there. But no matter how scared she was, Sam was no liar, and she said she’d talk, so she would.

To distract herself from the upcoming conversation, Sam dug through the bags and pulled out the candy bar, opening the wrapped and giving a small bit of it to Ryan, “There you go. Didn’t Mommy tell you she had already bought you one?” Ryan took it and gnawed on it more than chewed it, but there was a smile on his face as melted chocolate got over his fingers. Smiling, Sam turned but didn’t stand up, content with feeding Ryan the chocolate until Matt came up. Heck, Ryan didn’t even know his father. She guessed it would be healthy for Ryan, even if it scared the chiz out of herself.

[LoveOnHerArms]

Matt shifted his weight watching Sam, for a brief second the fear was gone in her eyes but then it quickly was back, but it was gone if only for a second. Looking over at Ryan Matt couldn't help but smile faintly watching Ryan and Sam talk to him, geez that little boy was cute and Matt so badly to be in his life.

Forcing himself Matt looked around them at the people in line silently watching them or just going about their business about not paying attention to them. Swallowing he loosened his grip on the cart and looked back at Sam and again he kicked himself in the butt for how she looked, like a scared rabbit that didn't have a choice but to run past him. She said fine but by the look on her face she wanted anything other then having to talk to him and Matt didn't blame her but god he was trying to make things right. "Alright" He said simply letting out a breath and moving into the line, somehow a lady had gotten in front of him but at the moment he didn't care Sam agreed to talk to him and right now that was all that mattered.

Watching Sam check out Matt rubbed the back of his neck waiting for the next lady to hurry up and get done, finely he was putting all his stuff on the counter still glancing over at Sam and Ryan every now and then while he put the bags back into his cart then pulled out his wallet and paid the lady. Moving over to Sam he staid back again not wanting to scare her anymore then he had already down and smiled faintly looking at Ryan gnawed on a piece of chocolate Sam gave him, it was melting all over his face and hands but the little boy didn't seem to care.

Rubbing the back of his neck he silently watched and swallowed thinking about what he was going to say next. "Sam....? Can we talk someplace a little more privet?" He asked feeling like a barley teen asking a girl out on a date. He really didn't want to talk to her in the middle of the store. Blue eyes pleaded with her once again as his heart seemed to stop in his chest for the moment waiting for her answer. Now what he really wanted to ask was if he could hold Ryan but he wasn't about to ask that yet, he had just finely found Sam, he wasn't going to freak her out anymore then he already had.

[Guest]

Sam stood up after handing Ryan another small piece of chocolate, frowning at the mess he was making, but she didn’t honestly care all that much. He had made a much bigger mess when he’d figured out how to open the tops of the paint bottles on his finger-painting set at home in her condo. Sam was highly uncomfortable in this place with all these people (God how she hated people) but she felt it the safest place to talk to Matt except for at her parents’ house.

When he walked over to her, he kept his respectful distance, which made Sam let out an involuntary sigh of relief. Her heart stopped when he asked her if they could talk somewhere more ‘private.’ She stared at him blankly for a moment before shaking her head, but not in a dismissive manner. It felt like high school all over again. She wanted to tell him to get lost, but her habit of fear and the fact that he was Ryan’s father, and Ryan was with her at that moment, kept her from saying any rude remarks towards him.

And anyways, she was trying not to flip out on him, no matter where their location was. Sam took a centering breath and looked back up at him, frowning as Ryan shrieked, asking for more chocolate. Sam was grateful for the momentary distraction and dropped gently and slowly back down to her former kneeling position and gave him another small piece of the chocolate. Finally standing back up, Sam searched his eyes momentarily, her heart beating faster than it should have.

He’d changed, she hoped. He must have, for he didn’t seem to feel anything was wrong with asking her to talk somewhere more ‘private.’ Unlike him, Sam was still scared out of her wits of men; of him in particular. Sam opened her mouth once to say something, rethought, stopped, and then spoke again, “What is your idea of a ‘more private’ place to speak?” Sam didn’t mean the question in a rude way.

No, not at all. She was just curious as to where he would rather talk than at the store. Samantha pulled some of her dark-chocolate brown hair behind her ear and scrutinized him warily, though she did her best to keep the fact she was only growing more cautious of him by the minute. Two years of hiding being thrown away right now in this one moment, and she really had no choice but to go with him, whether he liked it or not. She’d said she would talk, but unfortunately for her, she hadn’t particularly specified where.

Ah well. All she could do now was wait on his reply and hope for the best. Oh, and feed Ryan some more chocolate.

[LoveOnHerArms]

Shifting his weight Matt looked at her one hand still rubbing his neck the other on the cart as he waited for her answer, she looked at him blankly for a moment as the fear of her turning him down crept up, Oh god please, don't have her turn me down....please Was the silent plea as he waited keeping quiet holding his breath while his heart was either slamming into his chest trying to get out or freezing. The silence between them broke when Ryan shrieked for more chocolate, and Matt's heart may have exploded too but he wasn't sure.

Swallowing Matt looked at Sam as she stood back up and looked at him, their eyes locked for a moment and Matt sworn his heart stopped beating again for a moment before she looked away and it seemed to slam back against his ribs. Shrugging he looked at her licking his lips " I don't care, anywhere your place, mine or at your parents where ever you want too Sam" There was desperation in the young mans voice as he looked at her, gaze drifting down to Ryan's every now and then.

Letting out a breath Matt shifted his weight again as his heart was still going crazy. "Please Sam......I-I just really need to talk to you" His voice caught as he looked at her.

[Guest]

Yet again, Sam’s heart caught as he said all the ‘private’ places she’d been hoping to avoid. She crossed out his place the moment he said it, but she had some groceries that needed refrigerating, and she knew her parents would enjoy her bringing a boatload of groceries and shoving them in their fridge, as well as bringing Matt home and probably ending up in a heated discussion. The only place left was her place, which Sam wasn’t too keen about either. Her earlier fear crept up in her and she inwardly punched herself. How could she be so stupid!? How did she get herself in a situation like this!? Of course the one thing she’d been trying to avoid would be the one thing that happened to her. All in a day. Oh, goodie.

“I have to get these groceries home…” Sam said quietly, staring at the grocery bags in her cart, closing her eyes momentarily, once more hitting herself internally. Of course, of course, of course! Well, she sure as hell wasn’t going to go to his house. The more she thought about it, the more she wanted to just turn around and tell him she’d been avoiding him for a reason and didn’t intend to break the two-year record now. Sam rubbed her forehead and let out a deep breath, “I guess my place.” The words seemed to drag on forever for Sam, but she knew it was only a simple sentence spoken in a matter of seconds.

Ryan giggled as he gnawed on the piece of chocolate he currently had, kicking his legs up and down in a mixture of fascination and a simple burst of energy. This is why Sam rarely fed Ryan chocolate. He got hyper way too easily. Sam stared at Matt for another few moments, her eyes replaying everything that had happened that night that had completely destroyed their friendship that had lasted for a very long time. “Well,” Sam said finally, taking in another deep breath and turning around, “I guess you can follow my car…?” Sam moved and pushed the cart out of the store slowly.

Every footfall seemed as heavy as lead to her, and she was dreading talking to him, especially in her place. Alone. Well, relatively alone. Ryan would be there, but that didn’t change anything. Not much, anyways. She had a slight sliver of hope in the fact Matt might not try anything with Ryan around. She was thankful that Ryan wasn’t at her parents’ house that day, otherwise she would’ve automatically declined his request to talk. Once she reached her car: a dull-golden Porsche that her parents had given her some time ago, she popped the trunk, loaded up the groceries, and taken back the cart before picking up Ryan, the half-eaten chocolate bar in her hand, and walked back to her car.

“He comeen to visit?” Ryan asked, pointing towards Matt, an innocent expression splayed across his features, blemished only by the curiosity of the toddler.

Knowing she’d probably regret it, Sam said, “Yes, that’s Daddy. He’s going to come visit for a little bit.”

Ryan giggled and clapped his hands, dropping the current, soggy piece of chocolate he had, nearly splattering it on Sam’s shoe. Sighing, Sam moved to the car door and opened it, starting to fix Ryan up in his booster-seat.

[LoveOnHerArms]

Matt wasn't sure how long he stood there looking at her, it felt like a lifetime for him and when she finely spoke he nodded "I understand..." He rushed out hoping and praying she wasn't trying to get out of talking, he could see it clearly in her eyes, he was the last person she wanted to see and the last person she wanted to talk too. Even after two years Matt could still read her like a book, it had annoyed her so much when they were younger that he knew her that well, that and well Sam had always been a bad lire or well Matt though so.

Eyebrows raised slightly when she told him, her place. That was something Matt wasn't expecting, he would have though she would have said her parents or at the park or something like that, maybe.....She still trusted him just a little? Matt shot that though down fast, he wasn't going to get his hopes up only to have them crash and burn. Ryan making a noise made Matt take his eyes off his mother and looked down at the little boy, who looked like he was going to burst with energy happily eating his chocolate with it seemed all over his face and hands. Swallowing Matt back to Sam "I need to take my stuff back to my place....Can I met you at your place in ten?" He asked nervously hoping she would say yes.

Pushing his cart out after her still slowing down his stride so he wasn't too close to her Matt walked outside and headed to his truck looking over at Sam and Ryan every now and then, opening the passenger side door he started putting the bags in the seat and on the floor ears straining to hear what Sam was saying to Ryan. What he did catch made the young man smile to himself, she told Ryan he was his dad that was a start right? God he hoped so. Once everything was in the truck he closed the door put the cart away and walked over to Sam looking at the same Porsche she had for years now, Matt was there when her parents gave it too her. A faint smile came to his lips remembering that little memory.

"Whats your address? I'll dump my stuff at my place then head over to yours" Again his heart was trying to get out of his chest as he waited for a answer hands shoved into his pockets looking at her.

[Guest]

Sam had finally finished buckling Ryan in and put the rest of the chocolate bar in a cup holder in the front of her car. Now that she had time to think about it, she wished and wished and wished that she had said her parents’ house. She ran her fingers through her hair nervously and made sure to keep herself out of arms’ reach of Matt. Ten minutes? Ten minutes according to what? It took her about ten minutes to get home, and she had to unload the groceries. Ah well, Sam guessed it would be safer if she was up and moving about with Matt in the house.

Biting her tongue to keep herself from cursing vividly, and in front of Ryan, too. That would’ve been bad—very bad. She eyed him with a mixture of curiosity, apprehension, and the same fear that had been lodged in her heart ever since the incident. Sam was fearful enough that she felt like she could just break down right there. Heck to being in the middle of a parking lot, Sam was regretting ever agreeing to talk to him. She’d made a very bad mistake. Very. Bad. Mistake.

Taking in a deep breath, Sam said, “1250 Willow Avenue; don’t think you need the zip code. It’s the first condo to the left, it’s a tan coloring with a rose bush in the front yard.” Sam didn’t want to give him her zip code, even though she knew he’d see it sooner or later. The longer she delayed it, the longer she didn’t have to think about it. Sure, it’d confront her sooner or later, but for the time being she just couldn’t stand to say anything else. “I’ll see you…soon.”

Sam gave him a weak smile before turning away from him, opening her car door and sitting down in the seat. She took another piece of chocolate for Ryan, reached back before giving it to him. Sam then turned to the front seat and took in a deep breath, resting her head against the headrest. She felt like a cornered animal, except without the determination to get free; she was too afraid to be determined to do anything.

She put her seatbelt on and started up the car, checking a few things and putting the radio on to help distract her before waiting for Matt to move, then pulling out of the parking lot and onto the road towards her condo. Her mind was racing, but what was going to happen was something she couldn’t help anymore. It was going to happen, and if anything bad happened, she knew it was nobody else’s fault but her own. And that was enough to put a shaking terror into her heart.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

By the time Sam got home, she was on the verge of having a nervous breakdown. Ryan had screamed half the car-ride home due to the fact he had dropped his chocolate and wanted more, but Sam hadn’t been able to get back to him at a stoplight and give him any more chocolate. She parked her car in the driveway and grabbed the chocolate, taking the key from the ignition and closing the door. She went to the back seat and picked up Ryan after unbuckling him.

She took him into the house and put him down in his playpen before saying, “Mommy’s going to go unload the car. Be right back, okay baby? Be good.” Sam patted his head gently before walking back outside and starting to get the bags of food out of the trunk of her car.

[LoveOnHerArms]

Standing there hands shoved into his pockets Matt felt like a complete idiot but he wanted to badly talk to Sam and see his son. nodding Matt gave her a slight smile "Alright thank. See ya in s bit" He jogged back to his truck and jumped in, starting it up but didn't pull out watching Sam waiting until she pulled out and drove off before he did the same.

Letting out a breath ,he hand a hand through his hair driving with one hand the windows rolled down, well he finely talked to Sam and saw his son, and now he was going over to talk to her. Shaking his head he drove to his little place, it wasn't much just a two room, one bath with a living room/ dinning room and a kitchen. But it was in a nice spot in town close to the park and close to the garage he worked at. Driving down the street his mind racing Matt pulled into his drive and parked. Jumping out he rounded the car opened the door and grabbed some bags. Walking to the door he pushed it open, he didn't bother locking the doors, not in the little sleepy town he lived in.

Walking in he dumped the stuff on the counter only taking the time to put the stuff that needed to stay cold away before walking back out and jumping back into the truck. He wanted to get over to Sam's before she changed her mind and he chickened out. Backing out of the driveway he pulled back onto the street and let out a breath going over to her place.

It wasn't hard to find the condos and finding hers was simple. Pulling into the drive beside her Porsche Matt let out another breath and rubbed the back of his neck "Just get out there and talk to her" He snapped at himself and wit that he jumped out of the truck shoving his keys into his pocket while he walked up to the door.

Rolling back his shoulders and letting out a breath Matt knocked on the door waiting for her. He had just missed her carrying everything in and if he had gotten there before, he would have helped if she would have let him.

(Blah sorry it's not the best)

[Guest]

Sam had busied herself putting away the groceries and organizing the pantry to the way it suited her, tending to Ryan as he screamed for more chocolate, and tidying up the mass of books that were piled on top of each other in various places. In the back of her mind, Sam knew that it was healthy for Ryan to establish a relationship with his father, even if Ryan was the product of rape. When she really thought about it, she began to think it wasn’t Matt’s fault in the first place… but then again, it was. He was the one who’d gotten wasted anyways. She hadn’t done anything wrong. Except for be in his way.

Sam continued to try and distract herself, dreading the meeting with Matt that was coming soon, and she knew it, too. Sam was beginning to second-guess herself. Maybe she shouldn’t have invited him over to her place? The only reason Sam had felt secure with bringing him to her house was because she seriously doubted Matt would do anything in front of Ryan—his own flesh and blood.

Sam had gotten so worked up in her thoughts, randomly placed items like lamps and coasters in perfect alignment to the edges of whatever they were resting on, that she jumped when she heard somebody knocking on the door. Putting a hand over her heart, Sam let out a deep breath. She was really edgy, wasn’t she? Ryan screamed loudly as soon as Sam had taken only a few steps away from him, and Sam looked back at him, picking him up out of the playpen and handing him his favorite toy train that was just small enough for him to hold by himself.

Propping Ryan up on one hip, her arm around the boy’s midsection, Sam walked tentatively to the door. She took in a deep, centering breath, and turned the key in the lock before opening the door. She began to wonder to herself what, exactly, he wanted to talk about. She had a feeling it was going to be apology laden upon apology, but Sam was afraid that, if it were, she’d never be able to forgive him. He’d taken the one thing she was saving for her husband, and to her, that was nigh unforgivable.

“Hey,” Sam said, shaking the thoughts off. Ryan’s here. Matt won’t try anything funny when Ryan’s here, Sam kept telling herself, a faint yet hesitant smile on her lips.

[ it's fine ^^ ]

[LoveOnHerArms]

Standing in the doorway one hand shoved into his pockets the other rubbing the back of his neck Matt looked at the door waiting for her to answer and praying she wouldn't just ignore him and not answer it.

He heard the sound of a lock moving and let out a breath sending a silent 'thank you' too the sky. Rubbing the back of his neck Matt smiled lightly at Sam "Hey" He looked at Ryan on her hip and smiled at him "Hey there big guy" He didn't say anything else to the boy, not wanting Sam more upset and mad with him,he was trying to make peace with her not piss her off more.

"Can I come in?" He asked tentatively looking down at her still rubbing the back of his neck a habit he did when he was nervous or unsure what to do. He was pretty sure she was scared he would try something and Matt guessed she had a right too thinking that but Matt wasn't about too make a move or anything stupid like that. He was trying to say he was sorry not get thrown in and jail or shut out of his son's life completely. He forced himself to stopp rubbing the back of his neck and shoved both hands into his pockets looking down at her silently pleading with her to let him in.

He was so close, he didn't want to get the door slammed on him know.

(Blah sorry it's short >.< )

[Guest]

Sam was slightly surprised at Matt’s comment to Ryan, even when she knew it really shouldn’t be surprising in the least—after all, Matt was Ryan’s father, no matter what Sam chose to believe. She was happy she’d had Ryan instead of having an abortion, which she’d originally considered due to her extreme grief and pain. Sighing heavily, Sam stepped back, frowning when Ryan pulled her hair.

“Mommy told you it’s not nice to pull people’s hair, didn’t she?”

Ryan squealed, clapping his hands together once before pointing at Matt, a grin spread across the little boy’s face, “Daddy didn’t!”

“Oh, so now Daddy makes the rules?”

“Mhm!” Ryan went into a giggling fit once more, and Sam smiled a genuine smile, momentarily forgetting that Matt was present. Sam bit her lip nervously when she remembered and nodded, taking a wary step back, and saying, “Sure, come on in.” Ryan tugged Sam’s hair again and the brunette grimaced and turned from Matt.

“Could you please close the door behind you? I need to do something about Ryan,” Sam spoke over her shoulder. She felt relieved when she was no longer forced to look in Matt’s eyes. She’d once loved him, admittedly, more than a friend. She remembered the glisten in his eyes as he chased her around with the hose while cleaning (or at least attempting to) his truck—she remembered very well always complaining about how dirty it was. She wanted those days back, but she knew, even if all was said and done and worked out, Sam would never be able to bring herself to fully trust him. Not after what he’d done.

All those thoughts were pushed out of her mind as Ryan demanded more chocolate. Sam set him down in the playpen, and he contentedly forgot about the chocolate. Ryan began to drive the toy truck around him, making the best train noises he could manage. Turning hesitantly back to Matt, she gestured towards the leather-upholstered couch a few feet from the playpen.

“C-can I get you something to drink? Or maybe a snack?” Sam rubbed her arm nervously. She felt like a fool. A complete idiot. She knew she was babbling and he probably wouldn’t say anything, just sit down and start ranting like he first had when he’d tried to talk to her. It brought tears to her eyes, and Sam had to look away from him to keep herself from breaking down right in front of him.

The talk she’d been dreading and avoiding for so long was finally happening. Deep inside, she knew that she wanted to hear him apologize, but she was deathly afraid of him. Even now she had to keep herself steady by thinking of Ryan so she wouldn’t start shaking. Maybe time would change that, maybe not. Who could ever know for sure? And as much as she’d like to try and evade it, Sam knew it wouldn’t hurt to apologize to him for avoiding him for so long. Deep inside, she knew he deserved an apology as much as she did.

[ It’s fine xD ]

[LoveOnHerArms]

Looking at them Matt smiled faintly still not moving off the little porch, still silently praying that San wouldn't change her mind and slam the door on his face. Ryan pulled on her hair as she took a step back, Matt still didn't move watching them. Sam told him not to pull on her hair, Ryan just squealed clapping his hands and pointed at Matt, who looked surprised about to take a step back. He squealed out 'Daddy didn't' and it was one of the most amazing feelings that came to Matt but then swiftly so did the pouch in the stomach. It should have been someone else Ryan was calling 'Daddy' someone that loved Sam and didn't rape her like he had.

He didn't mean too or did he really remember anything of the night, but he still had raped her. Matt loved Sam had since high school but he highly doubted she felt the same way and would ever let him back into her lift that way, to be her best friend again.

Matt looked from Ryan to Sam silently asking if he should say something like 'mommy said no hair pulling' or something along those lines but he didn't.

Watching Sam's face change from a girl with too old of eyes to that bright smile that she did when she was laughing or when she was really happy, in a flash it was gone thou and Matt cleared his throat glancing away before nodding. "Yeah" He looked at her waiting a couple beats before walking in to the place and closed the door behind him. Slowly walking in more he looked around keeping his hands in his pockets, the place looked like something Sam would live in. She always talked about moving out of her parents place and getting a place of her own so she could decorate it like she wanted. Hell she even talked about doing his little house making it took less like a collage guy lived there and more nice and liveable.

Snapping out of his thoughts Matt looked over at Ryan chuckling softly when the little boy demanded more chocolate but that demand was quickly forgotten when Sam set him in the playpen and he started playing with a toy train making noises. Matt watched him for a moment before sitting down on the couch placing his hands on his knees he looked at Sam.

She was stalling and babbling something Matt remember from when she was in high school, she hated confrontations and always tried to avoid them. But if it helped her relax any he would take the bait for a little while. "Sure water and whatever you want Sam" She was avoiding his gaze since he got here and as badly as he wanted her too meet his gaze Matt didn't push it. She looked so scared standing there, like she was barley keeping it together, oh how badly Matt just wanted to pull her into his arms and hold her tell her everything would be ok.

Letting out a breath he looked back over at Ryan, leaning forward elbows on his knees he watched Ryan play. Wishing desperately that things were different and that he had married Sam like he had planned and then they would have had Ryan not this way.

[Guest]

Sam nodded, slightly relieved that she got to get out of his sight again. She walked into the kitchen, not really thinking about leaving Matt alone with Ryan. If he was anything, he was responsible—when sober, that is. Sam shuddered at the unpleasant memories that came rushing back to her. She opened up a cabinet and pulled out a glass, filling it with water from the fridge, and getting out a bowl. She didn’t like the way Ryan was accepting Matt so readily, but Sam knew that that was completely selfish of her. It was awful. When she was younger, she wouldn’t have been so peeved that Ryan was calling Matt ‘Daddy.’ She’d always had fantasies about the life they’d have together. Little did she know he felt the same way about her as she did about him back then.

Sam sighed and pondered what snack to get out. She wasn’t really hungry, and most of the food in her house was nutritious, as she tried her best to keep Ryan on a healthy diet. The chocolate he had today was one of the rare times Sam let him eat unhealthily. She did have chips, though. That was really the only junk food she ever kept in her house. That, and ice cream. After she found out she was pregnant, Sam had seldom eaten anything other than ice cream. Since then, it’d naturally become her comfort food.

Pulling the bag of chips out of the pantry, Sam filled the bowl with them before closing the bag back up with a clip and walking back into the living room. She placed the bowl down on the coffee table in front of the couch and handed Matt the water, fingers momentarily brushing against his, and she recoiled, sighing thickly and plopping herself down on the couch next to him. She felt… odd. There were so many emotions jumbled up in her head at that point that she didn’t even know how to cope. It was a miracle she wasn’t crying.

Perhaps as the conversation got started she’d start crying. Sam wasn’t always the tough tomboy she’d been in high school. Even then, she had a soft side. And a soft side only Matt had known about. Maybe if she hadn’t tried to stop Matt from doing something stupid while he was so obviously drunk… maybe if she hadn’t done that they could be married and Ryan could be a child of will, not force. But then again, everything happens for a reason, doesn’t it? At least, that’s what Sam’s mother had always told her since the incident with Ryan. Her father still didn’t like Matt, which Sam was slightly—and quite selfishly—thankful for, since her mother had been sending Matt pictures of Ryan and such (of course her mom didn’t want Sam to know, but leaving your email up on the computer isn’t the smartest way to keep these things a secret).

Sam had never brought it up, being the obedient daughter she’d been raised to be. It was a miracle that her parents had been able to control her wild side when she was little. She had constantly been getting into trouble in high school. She drank, yes, but she never got drunk. She was responsible enough to know not to. That didn’t mean she hadn’t enjoyed flirting and dancing with the guys. Parties had always been more fun when Matt came with her. But that was only when she managed to persuade him to come along. He’d never liked the ideas of parties until she had enticed him on many occasions to come with her.

Though the party games—like Spin the Bottle, Seven Minutes in Heaven, and Truth or Dare (extreme version)—were things she never participated in. Even at her age, she’d never had her first kiss. She’d been saving it for Matt, and now she was so afraid of men she was starting to think she’d never get to the point she could ever have a first kiss.

Reclining warily into the couch, Sam forced herself to look at Matt. There was no denying he was attractive, but that didn’t change her feelings for him. “So. I bet I can guess why you’re here, but why don’t you tell me anyways.”

[LoveOnHerArms]

Leaning forward elbows on his knees Matt silent watched Ryan play, making train noises and having a great time. He didn't know what Matt did to his mama and called him 'daddy' happily. That almost killed Matt inside to think the little boy didn't ask just called him daddy happily, not knowing he was the product of something Matt did almost three years ago, the one time he really got drunk he hurt his best friend. Matt wasn't big into parties and in high school the only reason he ever went too one was because Sam would beg and practically drag him to her car or too his truck telling him where too go. Half the time he went to make sure nothing happened to her, the other half was because he liked to watch her dance and just have a good time. Sure he had fun too but he still wasn't the biggest fan of parties.

Snapping out of it when Sam put a glass in front of him, Matt took it with a soft 'thanks' noting that his fingers grazed over hers lightly before she pulled back a look of hurt and fear in her eyes. Taking a sip he forced himself to tear his gaze away from Ryan and set it down on the coffee table, he didn't touch the chips in front of him and looked over at Sam. She sat warily down on the couch, not next too him but on the other end. Matt wasn't surprised and didn't think she would sit next to him.

He sat in silent for a moment trying to gather his thoughts, after all this time he didn't know what to say besides he was truly and deeply sorry for what he did. Letting out a breath, he rubbed the back of his neck and looked over at her as she spoke.

"Right...Sam..I-Im so sorry for what I did, I....I can't take it back but Im so sorry. I don't even really remember any of it...That I was drunk and the pain and fear in your eyes that all I remember" Letting out a breath he ran a hand through his hair looking over at her, blue eyes filled with the pain of what he did, her brown eyes filled with fear and pain that night haunted him in his sleep and where ever he went.

Looking back at Ryan he swallowed "I haven't touched a drink since there, I swear I haven't and I-I just..." He shook his head "I know sorry won't take away everything that I've done. but I'll try to make it up too you....Somehow" He couldn't look at Sam now just looked over at Ryan and ahead of him. It killed him that he did all this to Sam and would live with that for all his life but he would try to make it up too her and Ryan.

[Guest]

As Matt started talking, Sam found it increasingly harder to keep her gaze on him, and him just talking about it brought forth the memories of that night. Like she’d thought, she felt hot tears pushing at the back of her eyes, but she bit her lip to keep herself from crying, and dropped her gaze to the floor, staring at it intently. It only made things worse that Ryan was still making so much noise and having such a great time. The poor kid never knew what happened, and Sam knew she’d never be able to tell him, when he got older and could understand, that he’d been the result of something she’d never wanted to happen. It would crush Ryan when he knew what it meant, she knew, and she couldn’t lose another person she loved. Ryan was her responsibility now, and she had gotten so caught up in trying to avoid Matt she hadn’t really thought about that before.

Once he finished talking, Sam let out a shaky breath and allowed a few stray tears to escape, and she sat up and hunched over slightly, resting her elbows on her knees and resting her chin in her hands, not bothering to move the hair out of her face. That way, he couldn’t see the tears she’d let slip. When he finished talking, Sam was so tempted to jump to her feet and say he could make it up to her by leaving her and Ryan alone until kingdom come. But it was the fact that Ryan needed a father figure in his life that kept Sam from making that outburst.

It took her a few minutes to get herself pulled together, and she sniffed, but didn’t bother to move herself or sit upright to talk to him. Ryan was still making train sounds and banging the plastic toy against the ground, and it nearly sent her over the edge when Ryan spoke up, his voice not filled with happiness, nor sadness, but more of an inquisitive curiosity, “Mommy sad?”

Sam frowned and looked over at Ryan, about to open her mouth to say something reassuring to her son when Ryan spoke again, “Mommy loves Daddy, right?”

And that killed her. Sam couldn’t bring herself to say anything. All she could do was stare at Ryan, her gaze unwavering. She searched her son for any hints of the playful boy she’d seen only moments before. She was not going to break down in front of Matt. Or Ryan. She couldn’t let her son see that she was terrified of his father, and that the answer was no, she didn’t love him. At least, not like she used to.

Sam got to her feet and muttered, “I’ll… I-I’ll be right back.” Sam heard her voice crack but she didn’t bother to even try and cover it up. It only took her a matter of seconds to walk down the hallway and into her room, where she silently closed the door and rested against it, sliding down its surface until she sat on the floor. Pulling her knees up to her chest, Sam allowed the salty tears to pour down her face now. She buried her head in her knees to douse the noise crying usually made. She didn’t want Matt or Ryan to see her in her state of weakness.

She couldn’t help it. That her little boy had been so keen on the fact that his mother was having an emotional reaction to Matt—one that wasn’t good—and to wonder, at two years of age, if she stilled loved ‘Daddy’? It killed her. All she’d wanted was Ryan to have a normal life: a loving mother, a protective father, and a big house where he could be comfortable and be able to go to a good school and eventually fall in love and get married and start a family of his own. Her dreams had been crushed, and the fact that Ryan wanted to know if she loved Matt… it only made Sam cry harder.

[LoveOnHerArms]

Matt didn't move after he finished talking for now, he just sat there leaning forward elbows back on his knees looking at Ryan and the wall, listening to Sam, she let out a shaky breath and Matt kicked himself in the butt again for everything he had done to her. Slowly he glanced over at her and swallowed looking her over, chin in hands hair coving her face, he yearned to brush the strands of hair away from her face but he didn't dare. He waited for anything the yelling screaming crying anything.

The old Sam he knew would have yelled and screamed at him letting him know what he did to her and putting him in his place in her mind, but he had hurt that girl and the Sam now was shy timid and could barley look him in the eyes without trembling and shrinking back. The anger against himself was great in the young man knowing he did all that too her. Knowing that he might not ever see the old Sam again. It killed him.

Hearing Ryan Matt swallowed hard, the look on his face was one of pain but he didn't look over at Sam or Ryan now just ahead. But what the little boy said next in such an innocent curious voice Matt felt like someone sucker punched him, leaving him unable to speak. Glancing over at Sam he saw the trace of tears before she bolted out of the room.

Leaving Matt and Ryan alone, well that meant she trusted him even just a little right? Leaving him alone, with their son. Swallowing Matt opened his mouth to say something only to close it and run a hand through his hair again. Slowly he got to his feet and moved over to the play pen he looked down at Ryan and smiled weakly.

Squatting down so he was more level with the kid he looked at him, same blue eyes that he had and the same smile. Swallowing hard he looked at the little boy "Hey little man, you're watching out for mommy right?" He asked trying hard himself not to cry.
Dammit why did he have to get drunk that night?! Why?! He ruined everything he had in one freakin night.

Eyes getting watery he looked at his son with a bitter sweet smile on his lips. Ryan really did look a lot like himself, he only hoped he didn't end up like Matt and was a better man.

He badly wanted to go find Sam and hold her, he yearned to hold her and tell her everything would be ok, that he'd fix that he broke. Or spend his life trying too.

[Guest]

Sam shook her head and propped it against the door. She couldn’t go back out there—no, not anymore. She couldn’t go back out there and confront Matt. Usually when she was sad, she’d get up and crawl into bed with Ryan, and read him a story or play with his stuffed animals with him. But she couldn’t do that now. Not with Matt around. Sam knew he’d waited so long to get this chance with her. Just to be alone and to apologize. If Ryan hadn’t said anything, Sam knew it would probably be over and done with about now. Maybe they’d work out a schedule for taking care of Ryan, like most divorced parents did.

Sam could tell from the start Ryan knew Matt was his father, and he liked his dad, too. Ryan was a good judge of character, even though he was so little. It took Sam at least five more minutes before she could so much as lift herself off the floor, and she opened the door silently, tiptoeing into the bathroom to wash her face off with cold water. She could feel her heart breaking like it had the moment after Matt had raped her and left her in the hallway. Even though it was evident she’d already been scared, she was even more scared now.

She was torn. She wished she could love Matt. She wished they could be married and Ryan’s existence wouldn’t be a problem to either of them. But she also wished he would leave her alone. She might still have a chance at love, right…? Or maybe not. Maybe she’d found Matt when she was younger and fallen madly in love with him, beyond the point that even after what he did to her, she’d never be able to love another man. It was quite possible, she knew.

Ryan smiled at Matt and giggled, “Mommy’s nice,” Ryan said, clapping his hands together before reaching up to Matt and waving his arms. “Up!” Ryan giggled again and kicked his legs, “Up, Daddy! Up!” Ryan looked at Matt expectantly, arms outstretched and fingers splayed, as if he was trying to reach out to Matt.

Sam leaned against the wall and watched the whole thing, unable to smile. She could tell her face was emotionless, and she knew that even though her outward appearance was completely unreadable, her inside feelings were jumbled. “You don’t have to be hesitant to pick him up. He’s your son after all,” Sam murmured.

[ eeeeesh! It's so short x_x ]

[LoveOnHerArms]

Squatting down Matt looked at Ryan smiled faintly watching him play and nodded giving the little boy a slightly bigger smile "Yeah mommys nice" It's daddy thats the bad monster He added silently to himself. Slowly getting to his feet he glanced over to the hall before looking back down at Ryan as he clapped his hands and reached up for him.

Should he pick him up? Matt wasn't sure about it, what if Sam go mad and demand he left? What if he never got to see his son again besides pictures her mom would send him? Matt didn't want to risk it and was trying to find the words to tell the little boy he couldn't pick him up. Ryan just ordered him to pick him up again and Matt swallowed "Ryan-" He stopped hearing Sam and looked over at her for a moment. Her face was unreadable not even a hint of a smile on her lips or even a trace of fear in her eyes, they just looked numb and dull.

Nodding Matt looked down at the little boy and picked him up with a faint smile. "There happy now little man?" He asked looking down at the little boy feeling well a little better. Ryan seemed to like him and was happy with calling him dad. He just hoped Sam wouldn't take that away.

He looked over at Sam then back down at Ryan holding the little boy to his hip with one arm, Ryan wasn't heavy but somehow Matt felt a little better about this more of a smile came to his lips looking down at his son.

[Guest]

Ryan saw Sam and giggled momentarily, repeating himself, “Up!” this time it was more of a whine than anything else, and when Matt picked him up, Ryan squealed happily and clapped his hands together in a babyish fashion. It’d been a while since Sam had seen Ryan so excited about something—or someone—in a long time. Sure, he got excited over little things frequently, but she’d never seen him this happy in her life, and she was suddenly afraid that Matt would win Ryan over and take him away from her. Sam felt the need to say something; she felt awful. After what happened…after what Ryan said… he was two…

Sam wished she could love Matt again. She doubted it’d work out now… seeing Matt holding her—correction, their—little boy made Sam’s heart ache for the times they’d used to have together and the dreams she’d build upon unstable grounds. At the time, Matt had seemed a very stable and trustworthy person. She was beginning to realize more and more that she wanted it back, and she’d do most anything to get it back, but the only problem in her way was the solid brick wall of fear that barred her from getting anywhere close to forgiving Matt for what he’d done to her.

She’d had to drop out of high school, and now that she was more uneducated than most people her age, finding a job was going to be a hell of a lot harder than it needed to be. Plus, being afraid of men so much only made working in small areas with mostly male bosses and fellow workers made her feel like she was going to go insane. Sam smiled slightly when Ryan’s little fingers grabbed (or tried to) at the stubble on Matt’s chin, not coming up with anything, but still determined to try.

Sam knew Ryan was happy, and even if she didn’t want Matt touching him, she wouldn’t take Ryan away from Matt because she didn’t want to deprave her son of the father he needed. Sam might be selfish, but she wasn’t stupid. Ryan needed this. He needed a father to grow up with and wrestle and to be taught about how to deal with girls and all that jazz… Ryan didn’t have that. Matt, she knew, could provide it…but she kept telling herself that it would only be provided if she got herself out of the fear she was lodged in.

Sitting back down on the couch, Sam looked over to Matt and Ryan, her heart clenching momentarily as she wished that this would be normal: they’d be a happy (preferably married) couple and Ryan wouldn’t have to worry (er, Sam wouldn’t have to worry, more accurately) about being fatherless. Pulling her knees up to her chest, Sam stared at the bowl of chips.

“I’m sorry I’ve been avoiding you for so long,” Sam muttered. “I was just… scared…” Sam shook her head and sighed again. She dropped her voice lower, hoping neither Ryan nor Matt could hear, “So terribly afraid…” Sam continued to stare at the bowl of chips, shutting out the rest of the world for a moment.

“Mommy needs hug, Daddy,” Ryan said, pointing to Sam. “Mommy sad.”

[LoveOnHerArms]

Matt picked up Ryan and smiled a little more down at him, watching at the little boy squealed happily clapping his hands. Matt shifted him around a little but slowly more of a smile came onto his lips, at lest his son liked him then again the little boy didn't know what Matt had done. If he had Matt wasn't so sure he would be this excited and happy about Matt holding him.

Looking over at Sam he opened his mouth to say something but closed it not having anything to say, ok that was a lie he had lots he wanted to say, but e also wanted to see his son again and not to get kicked out of Sam's house. He chuckled looking down at Ryan as the little boy tried to grab hold of the stubble on his chin and cheeks, he wasn't coming up with anything but the little bot kept trying getting another chuckle from Matt amused at this. Shifting the little boy a little Matt smiled at him, rubbing his chin into his hands gently before looking over at Sam hearing her soft words.

She was sitting back down on the couch starring at the bowel of chips like it was going to do a trick or bust out dancing at any moment but she said she was sorry for avoiding him.

Matt looking over at her unsure what to say, he knew she was apologizing but her words felt like she had just slapped him. She had been scared to talk to him, they used to be best friends and she had been scared to talk to him. Well if that didn't make the young man feel more like a monster then he wasn't sure what would. Ryan cut through his thoughts and shook his head slightly looking down at him. "Yeah mommy needs a hug" He slowly put the little boy down.

"Go give mommy a hug little man" Matt gave him a smile and watched, he yearned to touch her but didn't that would only scare her more and from the looks of it, the less she saw of him the better. It was going to kill him all over again having to say good bye too Ryan but it was for the best that he staid out of Sam's life.

[Guest]

Sam looked up and watched Ryan. He was so happy. And Matt, admittedly, as such a good father… Sam knew it would be wrong to take Matt out of Ryan’s life, when Matt was all the boy really desperately needed. Samantha hated to tell it to herself, but she’d have to see Matt again, if only for Ryan’s happiness. A fond yet sad smile crossed her lips as she watched Ryan and Matt interact with each other, as if nothing in the word was ever going to bother the two of them. Nothing was ever going to split them apart. The only downside was that Sam knew Ryan would start asking why he only got to see “Daddy” every now and again, and why they didn’t live together like Mammy and Pappy (Sam’s parents).

Sighing, Sam watched Ryan run up to her and wrap his arms around her leg, a little smile on the boy’s lips. Sam smiled and picked up Ryan, sitting up straighter and putting the boy on her lap. “It’s all right, sweetie,” Sam said, kissing the top of the boy’s head. “Mommy’s fine.” Ryan shook his head and pointed at Matt, but didn’t look at him.

“Why Daddy not hug?” Ryan kicked his legs softly. “Like Mammy and Pappy?”

Lying was the last thing that Sam wanted to do to Ryan, but she wasn’t sure how to phrase it without making it look like an attack on Matt. “Because, family hugs are special. Only Mammy and Pappy give family hugs.” A sudden wave of depression hit Sam. She knew that her explanation wouldn’t have cut it for Ryan if he’d been any older. It didn’t make sense to her, and she knew it probably wouldn’t to Matt, either. Which only made her feel worse. Ryan kicked angrily, forcing Sam to put him back down on the ground, and tell him, “Don’t kick on Mommy’s lap, all right baby?”

Ryan toddled over to Matt and pulled on the leg of his pants, frowning. “Mommy needs hug. Why Daddy not hug?” Ryan plopped himself down on the carpet and stared up at Matt, his little eyes expectant. Ryan didn’t understand why his parents weren’t interacting like he’d seen his grandparents do. It seemed to him like what applied to Mammy and Pappy were exclusive to them, and that his parents didn’t do that sort of thing. Ryan frowned and gripped the rug, pulling up random fluffs off of it.

Sam didn’t object or tell Ryan not to ask Matt those kinds of questions. In all honesty, at the moment she could use a hug—she didn’t give a damn who it was from. It would’ve been better if they’d been at her parents’ house, and her mother would’ve given her a hug, and all would be well. But all she had at her house was Matt and Ryan, and Ryan was too little to give a meaningful hug. After all, Sam was three times the size of Ryan. Sam looked up to Matt for a moment, searching his eyes, not knowing really what she was looking for. All she could tell herself right now was that she needed him to be in Ryan’s life. She’d have to see him, put up with Ryan’s comments, and answer her little boy’s questions. It was all she could do… It was all she could do.

Sam sighed and dropped her gaze back to Ryan, who now was reaching out for Matt’s shoelaces.

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