Painful Pleasure...

[Spritz]

It all started as a bit of curiousity, the nagging feeling that she should try it, see what it was like. The thoughts became stronger, and soon she gave into the temptation. The first time the razor sliced through the soft flesh of her wrist, it was painful, so painful. As she watched the bright drops of blood form on her skin, the pain was washed away by the feeling of accomplishment. She had done it, even if it was only once.

The cut was small, but it was deep enough to let blood trickle down her arm and soak the inside of a bandaid. Then there it was again, nagging at her to pick up the blade. It was like a dare. To try to cut deeper, to try to cut longer. To try to withstand the pain that was coarsing through her veins, to shut her eyes and let the feeling envelop her very being. With the doors locked, nobody could bother her. Only one person knew, but it was beyond hope he would care enough to try and stop her.

It was he that she thought of when she did this, he that had been an ear to listen when she needed it most. But now, it was an addiction for her. Whether she liked it or not, she constantly found herself climbing to the bathroom, opening the cubbord and finding the small, sharp razor blade she kept hidden out of sight. She was still her happy, bubbly self to those who didn't care to look closely, but deep inside she felt as if she was dying. Little by little, one second at a time. Was there a cure?

It wasn't easy to stop, and now that she had started it was always in the back of her mind. Keeping a blade in her purse, she wound quickly slip off to the bathroom when in public, while nobody would notice her absence. Maybe it was a way to make people care about her, if she noticed. At least they would have a little bit of pity, some kind of attention she had been yearning for most of her life. So there she finds herself, once again in the bathroom, her arm over the sink and blood stained over her skin. Her fingers would be holding the sharp peice of metal, as she looked down at the wound with pride. And every time, it just, got, worse.

[Guest]

Spritz what's do you mean that's you and great detail on that it was another good post from you but are you really cutting yourself? You should try stop if you are.

[Spritz]

That's alot easier said than done, wild.

[Guest]

Still you could kill yourself if you mess up. It may be hard to stop but talk to some one you trust about it, sure they might freak out but maybe it'll help you stop.

[Spritz]

Who would care? That's right, nobody.

[Guest]

Your parents or you could go to your school's person who helps. (Forget what there called)

[Spritz]

Thanks for the offer, but for now I'm going to keep it quiet. I posted this because I needed to get some thoughts sorted out.

[Guest]

Understood and you should think about it. I tend to like to talk to some one I trust when going through a problem.

[Spritz]

I've told somebody, so I'm fine. He promised he wouldn't say anything.

[JayzPF]

Wow, spritz, I'm horrified and impressed at the same time...

[Spritz]

That's the way I feel. -sigh-

[JayzPF]

... *pats back consolingly*

[Spritz]

Ahh, it's alright. (: I'll be fine.

[Faye]

Spritz, believe me, I've felt that way before. I do most times also. And I can't tell anybody about this that I trust, she died. I don't cut myself, I write. I write in a journal how I'm feeling, what I'm upset about.. sure it brings back those bad memories but atleast I can get them out in some form.
I know that doing something like this can be addicting, like smoking for example or taking drugs. All addicting. Just try, please to slowly, gradually stop. Cut yourself one less time a day, it will be worth while to you in the long run. Don't think about how things are going right now; think about the future. What things do you want to accomplish in your life? You'll never be able to do those things if you continue this. Your so talented at writing, you could write a book! Just don't.. don't do this to youself.

[Faye]

Your parents or you could go to your school's person who helps. (Forget what there called)

Counselor?

[lemmy]

Spritz... Dx

[LoveOnHerArms]

Oh sweetie. Im not going to order you too stop bt Im going to ask you too stop, just a little at a time if you have to but please please tell someone that can help you over come this. Cutting doesn't solve anything it only makes them worse, it's like putting a band aid over a bullet wound. I know you already know all this but Im going to tell you again because your a friend (Even if I can't see you) If you cut just a little too deep or in the wrong spot you could kill yourself, and yes people would miss you, lots of people.People that you can't see, your family friends. It seems to help with the pain that no one sees but it only adds to it, please Spritz tell someone that can help you, that will be there when you feel like cutting and will stop you. Cutting is like a drug, once you start it controls you unless you fight for you life back. Heck I'll give you my number so you can call me if it helps. I've lost friends to cutting and a friend that was like a sister too me, I don't want to loose you too.
I know I sound like some old person or a parent bt I care about you (In a non creepy way)
if you want someone to talk too that will just listen to you pm me hun I'll give you my e-mail, number or both. Sometimes it helps when you can't see the other persons face, I don't know why but it helped me a lot.

And if your like me you'll just say it's alright and no big deal and put on a smile but it is a big deal. Your a great friend too me Spritz and I really man it when I say I'll talk to you when ever about whatever.

Love <3

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